I am a Mom and I am Bipolar

Hello my name is Courtney and I am mother of a 6 month old and I suffer from Bipolar disorder. Does that sound like I am going to AA or something? Why is it hard for people to understand that just because I am Bipolar means that I will not be crap mother? Does that make any sense? I do not go around assuming people are bad parents because they have health problems. There is nothing wrong with me to prevent me from taking care of my house, family, and my child. I love him with all my heart and he has been so wanted for so many years... he is my little miracle. I have come across many situations where I wanted to lash out of the people who feel the need to put me in a cage and throw away key..... and condemn me for a health disorder and not for who I am. I mean you can be a 100% healthy, have all the money in the world... and still be a crappy parent.

I would hope people would see the love I have for my son. Has it been easy? Of course not! I would like to see any woman claim that she was the prefect mother.... so I can slap her back down to reality.

I was told this expression once or twice (or a hundred times)... that you put your child's needs before your own. I agree with this and I do not agree with this. When I was pregnant with Caleb I was asked numerous times whether or not I was going to breastfeed. I had already made up my mind that I was not going to breastfeed because it would be better for Caleb and I because I needed to be back on some very important medications (not just Bipolar related). I know I got a lot of mixed results about this.... I had one woman said it was wrong for me not to breastfeed (she was a nurse in the hospital) I had others who gave me their support and others asking if I was okay with not being able to breastfeed. I had to look at it this way... my medications help keep me healthy and live a very proactive life. If I decided to stay off of the medications longer to give my child the "benefit" of breast milk. I could have put my own life at risk (and I do not need to sound morbid but that is the reality) and I am sorry not sure how much good I would do if I was in the hospital or worse.... However, this does by any means that I put my needs before my child far from it! In fact I look at my choice not to breast feed as putting my child's needs ahead of mine. My child will never go out food, diapers, baths, and so on. I may say no to a toy he may want but that is the key it is a want!

I also get this concern a lot.... what happens during your mood swings? Well the good thing for the most part I can tell when a serious shift will happen but that is because I am proactive in my health. However, my form of Bipolar does not keep me from a normal life. If you look it up there are various types.... and yes my mood can swing up and down in a blink of an eye but it is not dangerous and I know who to trust and what to do if I ever felt the need of help because of the disorder. I think in a way Caleb is blessed to have a Bipolar Mom.... for example, when I am in a "up" phase beyond my normal.... I explore new things or read. I love to craft and do art... and I cannot wait to do art with Caleb or run around with him when he plays. I mean having some extra energy without outside sources... can be a huge blessing. Being up allows me to get things in order take care of my son.... play with him... read with him.... how is that any different from a Mom who is not Bipolar? Maybe except it will seem that I will have a natural coffee bean inside me... but then it brings the question.... what happens when you are down? Well it just means I have to work harder.... yes it may take all my might to get things done that day.... but Caleb makes it worth doing! Mothering is a 24/7 job and just because I am in a down mood does not mean I take a break from being Mom.... I mean do you take a break every time you felt out of it..... so why would I? I follow a strict routine when I feel down to help me get out of the funk it may take a couple of days but Caleb is always the first! Everybody has girl nights out and mens night out.... they do what they need to recharge....and I do the same. Caleb is one of the reasons I exsist and why I was put here.

So please stop lumping bipolar moms into this group of incapable mothers.... it makes me feel like you have no faith in me... and if you look in my son's eyes he knows how much he is loved... and even if I have ups and downs... Caleb will always be first... and how you take it is your business..... I am just asking think of the world and how unique each mother is.... I am not extra special... have no super powers.... than any other MOM..... some days are tougher than others... but we all have days like that.... so do not assume the negative of the situation....

and embrace and except me for the mother that I am to my child! How I rock him to sleep, read to him every night.... laugh and play with him.... or how he loves to smile when I sing and talk to him. Worry about him all the time... if I am doing a good job....

so yes my name is Courtney, I am a mother... and Bipolar..... stop putting a Stigma out there for me to fight... instead get to know me.... the real me.... and maybe you will see past that I am Courtney bipolar and a mom.....

What about you? Your a mother and...? or Your a father and I?  I am sure there is something...............