Changes are coming....

Changes are coming I can feel it in air! Actually I know they are coming and it how I will handle these changes and challenges that are coming up. There are many wonderful and new things happening in my life. There are also new paths that I am on that I cannot see that light at the end of the tunnel- but know that is the path that I need to be on. I often feel like I am going in so many directions that if I stop I might not know where I am so I just keep going. However, for once I know I am to take a deep breath, look back, relax, embrace, and figure things out but I cannot do that if I am always on the go. I feel like I was on this one path for so long it it time to make a turn and feel the sunlight on my face.... because of certain challenges I have faced and currently face things have changed and not for the better, I was angry, stressed, and tired for a numerous reasons. There were a lot of people in my path as well and a lot I did not give mercy too.... because the one thing I have the hardest dealing with is the feeling of "lost on self" or a "sense of control" you can relate that to whatever.... but I believe I have dealt with the serious side to much these past few years and not that is the bad thing but it can become overwhelming when you feel the world is against or on your shoulders. However, I do have several great people in my lives and I have a wonderful but stubborn headed cousin who has always been able to give me a reality check! Kind of like suck it up and get over it life sometimes sucks but still says it is okay to hit a pillow or something harder now and then.... it may seem mean but who needs someone always complaining about the hand they were dealt? There are times when I think, I really do not need this crap-now but the fact is I do and I think he just one that has the "ability" (you many insert your own words here) to do that because the fact is I am not mad at when he does it.... because it snaps be back and I guess I love him for it... his response is more likely "that is what I am here for". However, on a side note- PLEASE KNOW THAT WHEN MY COUSIN AND I ARE OLDER THERE WILL BE A BATTLE OF THE MINDS HE HAS THROWN DOWN A CHALLENGE THAT I WILL NOT LOSE TOO (This will happen latter in life, date to be determine, likely a family reunion, and with the rest of cousins witnessing this if has to continue on into another year so it be, I will crack that nut he calls a head).

No back on track!! Because I have taken this serious path for so long I am taking a break from it... I am going to remember great family memories, I am going to drink beer, I am going to read a ton of books that are not text related, I am going to watch tv all day, I am going to spend numerous days at the beach, and I going to be thankful for everyone and everything in my life. I know how lucky I am to have the people I do. It is also time to get back to me, the first face of Courtney-the goofy, the dorky, the nerdy, the clumsy, the singing in the shower and do not care, making faces at people in the car, walking barefoot, and getting a pet rat named Stinky!

So As Pink Says In Her Song: Raise Your Glass

So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways
All my underdogs
We will never be, never be
Anything but loud and nitty gritty
Dirty little freaks
Won't you come on, and come on and
Raise your glass
Just come on, and come on and
Raise your glass

Looks At The Whole Picture- but who do I talk to?

I like to think I have the ability to look at the whole picture. In other words step out of my own views and look at everyones thoughts, beliefs, and just questions- I think it is often called well rounded but I think that term is wrong because I do think I am well rounded because one thing is I am not confining myself into a shape. However, this ability puts me into a position in who can I talk to about my views, beliefs, or questions about without the fear of judgement (perhaps that is why I am well suited for a career in psychology). The fact is we are all passionate about something but it is often hard to find people you can to with becoming angry because of something that was said. I usually try to stick by a rule = DO NOT TALK POLITICS, RELIGION, HOT TOPICS, and OTHER THINGS AS WELL with friends. Most of my friends know this about me and some others accuse me of not having a backbone but if THEY really know me.... this is something I do not budge on.

However, I have been so blessed to know these two women.We could not come different backgrounds, beliefs, thoughts, and values but what makes these two women different is they do not judge me and I do not judge them. They do not personally know each other but they both bring so much into life. They constantly challenge my minds and make me think of things in a new way.

One, is very well traveled, likes to experience new things, can tell in an instant if I am over stress. I love talking to her about movies, where she has been, her concern for my husband safety (and the other military men), she is a hard worker. I do not get to see her as often as I like but just to know her is truly an adventure in itself. I tell her where I want to travel and my dreams she is encouraging. She is caring and warm! However, we can laugh at the silliest things. Like Salt tuning into Rice :-)

The other woman I know has known me for a while. She has such a unique personality and I admire her for just being her.What I love the most is that we can talk about most anything, there has been so many late night conversations about beliefs, pin-ups, and what is going on. I remember telling her once I thought I was born in the wrong time period (which is another post) instead of acting like I am nuts she understands. We have different faiths but she does not judge me and I do not judge her. I think it amazing to have this with her because I know it is hard to find someone they can talk to about anything without the fear of judgement.

I think anyone is lucky to have friends like this because they do not try to change you, argue with you, or anything else. They just want you to be you and only you!

A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.
Elbert Hubbard

My Love of My Life

I am glad Valentines Day has come and gone! I personally not a big fan of the holiday... in fact I think it has turned into such a show off holiday for women it makes me want to barf. Please do not get me wrong it is nice to receive things now and then from the one you love but on Valentines Day it comes down to the point see what I got, see how romantic he is, this is how much he loves me, and so on. I am not here to insult anyone it is just what I see... that is when I realized, I would honor my husband. He knows I am not a fan of Valentines so it was easy for me surprise him a couple days after. I took him by surprise just to show him how much I care... he was taken back... kind of like a girl finding roses or something a long that line... well that is what his face reminded me of. I have some great pictures. It was nothing huge, I gave him a stuff rabbit named Lucky (for Fishing), a photography book, and a card. His face was priceless.

With that being said. It is an amazing feeling when you know you have one of the good guys. My husband has been across the other side of world and can still make me feel so special. He makes me feel so special and has never once talked bad about me. We hardly argue but we like to bicker but love to be with each other. We like to play games, just talk, and goof off. Christopher and I have been through so much together... with the struggle to have a child and my health issues he has been by my side! His job and I have been by his side! I could not ask for a better man. 

I believe it is so odd, that who you end up with. Sometimes they are right in front of your face.... other times you are not even looking for love. This was the case for Christopher and I... I met my husband online (not a dating site) but a chat room. I just got out a relationship that was going no where and was just chatting with people and these people were just getting on my nerves (you know how big is your bra size). I was about to log off when this guy just popped up, he asked to chat and I was like what the in the world.... okay but as soon as he asks one question bad I am out of here... well he did not.... fast forward we have been married for over 6 years! I love him more and more each day! He is my world! He is my CareBear!

Jello Salad Brain

One thing you will notice about is that I have Jello Salad Brain. In other words I have thousands upon thousands of ideas in my head. I think of this as a challenge and curse... related to many things. It may because I am Bipolar or mind really does work like that. I have so many ideas, goals, and concepts that get put into this brain of mine. Then from there I try to extract these ideas, goals, and concepts and put them into action. Sometimes it is easier then said done... I feel like I want to accomplish the world in so many areas. However, these ideas can often overwhelm me in sometimes a negative aspect.

Bipolar- yes I am Bipolar.... go tell it on the mountain. I am not ashamed or afraid for people knowing I have this disorder. However, with this being said and with this topic I do find myself trying to figure out why my brain works the way it does (yes another thing for the Jello Salad). Sometimes I feel like my ideas are over flowing and then I find myself running around my house trying to put my ideas into action.... this also tells me I am going into a hypo-manic stage but that is another post all together (soon). I am learning though I am only one person and that I cannot accomplish it all (well in one day).

Calm- I also love the ability to pull out an idea from the Jello Salad and put it into action. I have some great things coming about in my Jello Salad. However, with each idea extracted another one is added.

Things I am currently working on - selling crafts, working on myself, boundaries, understanding crime, working on my bucket list, poetry, and focusing on where I want to do with my Masters.

Things that are still in my Jello Salad- change and proper goal setting. I want scuba dive, travel the world, learn a new language, and take ballroom dance lessons....

My Nose In a Book....

Koontz, Jordan, Spiritual, Growth, Psychology, Information, and so on.....

I love to read and for the most part you can catch me with my nose in something... my husband the other day told me I was the guy from Pagemaster! I laughed because I go my books do not talk back to me in a famous person's voice, like the character "Fantasy" played by Whoopi Goldberg. Then when I recalled the movie and the events the main character went through it made me realize that there are some strong similarities. Now please do not get me wrong, I am not in my house wrapped up in safety gear speaking about the statistical odds of the house coming down. However, I do like to surround myself with facts, figures, and stats (even if it is the smallest fact). I think in a way it brings me comfort in a way. Even though I love facts and figures I also love fiction..... I have my favorite Authors but I read just about everyone that has peaked my interest.... shoot I have even read a book just to please someone to discover that they are not that half bad. The one thing I still cannot figure out why I still do this... is no matter how bad I think a book is, once it is started I will finish it... who knows maybe I have it somewhere in my sick head that it will turn out better. I read classics and modern,  simple poetry to novels, facts to theories, and so much more....

I find comfort and peace in books, even if I know the ending will not be a happy one. I feel like I can pull myself out of this world and get lost in the pages. Maybe because there is beginning, middle, and end in each book or perhaps you know who are the bad guys and who will win the girl in books. When it comes to facts maybe the book provides the evidence that I need to see.... maybe I just need to escape. There is so many reasons that books bring me comfort....

Things that I would like to accomplish with my book face

I would like to be in an actual book club
Read a suggested reading list
Thank and Author
Meet one of my favorite Authors
One day work at a used book store or own

One of my favorite Authors is Dean Koontz, I think his work is amazing. I like his work because it is one thing to scare a person with a knives and men running around in mask. However, it is another thing to scare someone psychologically or to make them think outside the box.

I love vampires (before vampires were even cool). Anne Rice has always been one of my favorites, even though I have read the "Twilight" Series" it has nothing on her books... she puts the real romance behind vampires!

I love the works of Edgar Allan Poe and the Brothers Grimm.... However, my favorite poem of all times is The Highwayman by Alferd Noyes, I heard this poem when I was young and how it can be read is just amazing. I have read Sherlock Holmes and Agatha Christie and I realized that many modern day Authors should take notes from them!

I love books about my faith, whether they are stories that expand upon the bible or spiritual growth through a study. However, with that being said I love to learn about other people's faiths and beliefs ad well (I think that what I like most about myself because I can look at the whole picture). I love to know what people find out and what they have learned! Everyone has a great journey they have been on so if they have written about or spoken to me about.... I have listened!

One of my favorite places to be is a used book store. I am not sure but there is something about being around all those books and knowing that they were read and will be going to another person's mind. I rather by a good use book then a brand new book, please do not get me wrong I have bought tons of brand new books but I can spend hours in a good used book store, it is like treasuring hunting! You meet some of the most interesting people and they share their experiences and I even love the smell of a used book store.... I am sure I am nuts....

I have some great inspirational readers.... my Uncle Matt is the biggest one... I am not sure if I ever seen him put a book down...

Oh Where Are You My Craft? (My Craft Face)

I am a crafter, I am not sure if there really is any other name for it... I am not sure how long I have been crafting but I do know that it has been in a while! There are things that I am good at and others that I am still mastering but the key here is trying. I do know that I am a yarn junkie from the word go and I have a complete love for crocheting. I just cannot get enough of working with my hands in this aspect, I think in many ways because it is becoming a lost art like actually letter writing. I love to see my ideas come to life so-to-speak. There are a lot of women and men in my family that have sparked great creativity in me. I guess I have been blessed to get it from both sides..... I will name a few and why I am inspired (there are way to many to list)

My Grandma Franklin-I remember her sewing room, to me it was huge (the actual size does not matter). However, I remember some great creations that came from that room... a foot pillow and a frog (that I still have). Now I am still learning my way around fabric, thread, and a needle but hope to make her one day proud.

My Grandpa Franklin- I do not remember a lot as personal memories but I came across a pattern he had drawn for some wood working. I do not do any woodworking but the pattern is what inspired me because it has the perfectionist streak in it and it is something you want to stand by and be proud of. 


My Aunt Gail- I am not sure what this woman cannot do, I have tons of memories of her sewing or working out in a workshop. My Aunt is a natural when it comes to things like crafting, gardening, canning, and so much more (proof that it is in the blood). Hopefully, her green thumb will rub of on me!


My Daddy- my dad loves to work with wood maybe he got that from his dad but I have seen some amazing things these past few years come out on his creative side. He has always been good fixing and building things and coming up with great designs. He has taught me that we all need to find something that we like to do and share that talent!!! 


My Grandpa Clemo- He was a latch hooker, I remember him sitting there doing latch hooks. I am not sure why he did them but it is a great memory I have of him. I like to think it kept his mind busy. He always had mind teaser puzzles and other things to keep your mind sharp so maybe that was just one of this things!


My Grandma Clemo- She cross stitched but in all fairness she got it from me because I tried it when I was younger and well it did not end good. However, she corrected and I guessed liked it and she was doing it ever since. I stayed away from it for a very long time but some how I was brought back to it! I do other needle work such as needle point.


My Aunt Renae- This lady can decorate and make everything look just beautiful! She is such a hard worked. I love her eye for decorating and making everything stand out!


My brother- The artist, I would say starving but that is not the case. However, he is able to draw and paint. He makes fun of me that I cannot draw a stick figure but he has not seen a lot of my new projects! He gives me the inspiration to try new things.


My Mom- We like to explore new crafts together. Some things we are good at others we laugh at and go.... what in the world was that suppose to be.... we help each other with new techniques and explore what the craft world has to offer.


Sara C- She might as well be my sister. She is my best friend's wife however, this past year she gave this inspiration to go farther with my crafts. She was telling me about this website and said she say something that she thought she could make and just did.... she has nack for it to. NOW if I can get her to scrapbook!!! (HINT)!!! 


These are just some of the people who inspire me in this area!!! There are so many more but there simply is just not enough space or time!!!


However, I leave you with this.... if you are interested in trying something.... then try it! It does not matter if it does not turn out the way you thought it would or it leads to something else... the fact is you did it! 


Here are two of my favorite sites


http://www.freepatterns.com/

http://www.redheart.com/

46 Chromosome Say What? (My Science Face)

I am by nature a very scientific person, I believe I have always been that way my life. My mom still says to this day I am the first one willing to research ad try to find the answer, if there is an answer to be found. As a human (I assume most of you are) we are comprised of 46 Chromosomes, two sets 23 given to me by my parents. Within these chromosomes contains my genetic makeup that account for a lot of things (I say a lot of things because I believe in both nature and nurture). However, before me my parents were comprised of chromosomes  given to them by their parents. The estimated genes one person has is still unknown but it makes me think of numerous wonderful, interesting, funny, and fascinating facts.

Examples

We eat DNA every day.
If the Human Genome was a book equivalent to 800 dictionaries.
If I unwrap all my DNA in my cells (or yours) it could reach the moon 6000 times.
You have more genetically in common with your first biological cousin then your biological sibling (which is funny to think about when you look at your family)

My mom says research is in my blood my dad says I am a fountain of useless of knowledge. I cannot help to come to conclusion my parents made me that way. Hey I cannot argue with science! However, being a lover of science often brings great dilemmas into my life. I often find myself asking questions that I do not have concrete answers too or I have seen something that has me question something I once viewed as concrete. However, I believe someone who has a science side can be open to many things (speaking from personal experience) but anyone can be open to many things but the key thing is you have to be WILLING. I believe you find this in a lot of my post the word "open".

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.  ~Wernher Von Braun

I love atoms, snakes, chemical reactions, human biology, bones, psychology, test tubes, facts, theories, and everything far and in between.

I guess what it boils down too.... I like to push the envelope, I like to research, I want to discover new things, I want to come to new revelations, and I want to hear everyone's side.

My own thoughts

Science is just as hard facts as it is chance.... chance is faith.... faith is chance.... with all of this you can have ~HOPE~