Monday, September 5, 2011

PCOS Awareness Month- Sept.. Please Read

I know I have not written in a while but there really was not a lot that I thought to write about.

The month of September is PCOS Awareness Month. PCOS stands for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and I was diagnosed with this over 6 years ago. I would not wish this syndrome on anyone not even my worst enemy. Just like any other disease and disorders this one needs to be talked about. PCOS in a way turned my world upside down and put on an adventure that I wish I never had to endure. This is my story....

When I got married in 2004 everything seemed perfect and the world was there for Christopher and I. Physically speaking I was relatively fit and happy with everything. However, when Christopher and I wanted to start a family I decided to get off birth control and just make sure everything was fine with me reproductive system. I was 22 and besides irregular periods that was under control with my birth control I figured there was nothing wrong... why would I? However, within months things started happening my body was changing again... kind of reminded me of puberty in a way. My face started getting acne for the first time in my life, periods became very irregular, weight gain from no where, and so many other things. It did not make any sense to me so I changed my appointment and went sooner  to the doctor. When I went to the doctor he thought it could just be the things going on in my life but he agreed that I should do some blood work and an ultrasound.... just to be safe. The following day I got a call from the doctor that I needed to come in to discuss my results (my doctor always told me that he would only call if there was something...). He told me that he thought I had PCOS and needed to do more test. I did several more test to include blood work and a ultrasound that day. I started having to go to the doctor more then I have gone in the past two years. Besides an old back injury that requires me to go to the doctor every 6 months to look at the area I was now becoming a fixture it seemed. Every test pointed to PCOS and he did not like my ultrasound results of my ovaries so I had to do a catscan so he could get a better look at my ovaries and after that catscan he confirmed that I had PCOS.

I am not going to lie... I thought it would not be that bad and that I would need just to do some extra monitoring... boy was I wrong. He started me on the medication metformin.... which was very harsh to get use to. I ended up not being able to handle one form of the medication but was able to handle to an extended release form of it. My doctor said that I could have trouble having a child... again I thought it would not be that big of a deal. However, as the months went by with no positive pregnancy my faith and hope was diminishing... there were test, specialist, traveling, and treatments with nothing working. I did chart tracking with nothing and then close to a year of clomid. I became angry and hurt... I could not understand why so many could have children so easy and did not want them where all I wanted to be was a mother and could not... it seemed unfair. People were for the most part supportive but they could not walk in my shoes and the pain at so many points I thought I could not handle. I remember several times soaking in a bath thinking "If I could just go to sleep and not wake up until this nightmare has ended" by no means have I ever thought of taking my life it just hurt so bad. Years ticked by and still nothing... not even a false positive and I was constantly battling the other physical symptoms of PCOS. Then when I thought I would see the light at the end of tunnel something seem to pull me right back in the dark. Christopher deployed several time when trying to battle this and things would just stop. I would get back on Birth control to help my symptoms then I would be left alone with my thoughts..... and most of the time they were negative and hopeless. I kept telling myself that God would not give me more then I could handle but I always asked him "when is enough" there were many screaming nights and tears at him. Years seem to drag on forever and this last time Christopher got back my faith and hope was at an all time low. With the past 5 years nothing to show for it but tears and disappointment this upcoming battle of trying to have a child seemed like a loosing one at that.

My specialist, my husband, and I decided that the "natural" methods even with just a little assistance was not going to work. I can remember crying that day with that news... with Christopher still gone I felt like I was dying inside. We decided that the next step would be an IUI or the turkey baster method... is the easiest way to describe it! The first attempt completely failed... I did not even get past the medication phase. Then the specialist said we need stronger medication. I would end up taking shots plus oral medication. I had to give my shots every night and it hurt. To be honest I thought this one would not work because of some factors that I did not go into... even with my hesitations I decided to go ahead with the IUI. For some reason I was not anxious or nervous about the results. I cannot explain why I felt this way.... however, the day I took the test I saw a very faint line... but chalked it up to my eyes playing a trick on me. Christopher said there was a line there and I called the doctor who sent me in for bloodwork. I was pg! Even though, with all my excitement I still was scared and nervous it really was not what it was. A week later I did some more blood work to see if everything was growing the way it was suppose to and two weeks after that I saw my little miracle for the first time and heard the heart beat! All I can remember is crying... for once I felt like everything was right. I had to go in for another ultrasound my specialist was a worry wort but I do not blame him because I was too. I have now gone to over to regular ob care. I am consider high risk because of the circumstances but everything has gone just fine.... I am in my second trimester now and found out we are having a boy. We should meet our Son in January.

I am thankful for my husband who has been by my side every minute even when miles apart. I am lucky that I have a wonderful marriage and how strong we are! I have known several couples something like this has torn them apart. Now does this mean my PCOS journey is over?................ sadly it is not and I still fight everyday with symptoms of this and will have many more challenges to come. I was just one of the lucky ones to beat the infertility part of this... now I cannot say if my husband and I try for a second child things will be easier and I might not be able to overcome it again. However, I do have the faith that I can make it through this disorder.

For my cysters who have been able to have children or able to control their symptoms we did it!!! For my cysters who are still facing their personal battles please do not give up! Even though, there might not be a cure for us maybe the next generation there will be.