Saturday, May 28, 2011

Respect is that so hard?

I have not written in a while but that is because there really was nothing to blog about plus taking a break from technology was a good thing. However, that is neither here or there with what this blog is about. There has been something riding on my heart for a very very long time. I love people from all over the world and cherish there uniqueness. I have wonderful friends from all walks of life that make me smile because of their friendship they offer no questions ask, they love me for who I am. However, in this life things change friendships end (for whatever reasons), life events let you explore a new part of your life, and so on (the list is endless). I have learned that in life you are allowed to have friends from everywhere and some of those friends will be in different circles, may know each other, and so on (this list is also endless). With this being said I have friends from High School, family friends, friends by surprise, friends across the world, friends that I no longer talk to but have left a great impact on me, and so on (this list is also endless). Sadly though there have been some very hard and bitter lessons that I learned through my life time and for me it all comes back to respect. I am not saying there are "rules" to friendship but I am sure a lot of us know the "GOLDEN RULE" (it comes in many forms) and what it means to them. For me the rule is simple it = respect. However, I am finding respect is hard to come by these days and sadly it has changed my views on a lot of things and wanting to shield my heart from all others who dare try to enter. I am not an easy person to get a long with but in reality I think the different you are the better but that is my opinion only. I have friends from all walk of life, some know each other, others know I am friends with others, and some have never and more than likely not meet each other in this lifetime. Which this brings me to my points about this blog. I am sorry this may seem nasty but you can decide whether or not what to think about me and what to do about.... trust me there will be no judgement about this against you because this is just what I believe.

I AM ALLOWED TO HAVE FRIENDS FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE! If you do not like who I am friends with then that is on you. The friends I decide to have our by my choice and I respect each and everyone for who they are. If you know each other and have problems with each other then that is on you guys. I WILL NOT CHOOSE SIDES WE ARE NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL! If we are friends that is because we have a friendship between ME and YOU and NO ONE ELSE!

I DO NOT NEED BEST FRIENDS I NEED GOOD FRIENDS! I hate the whole best friend title and frankly I do not need it because there is to much crap that goes a long with it. I have some friends that are very close to me and that is what I need. I am sorry but this is how it is.

I WILL NOT HAVE ANYONE TO TELL ME HOW TO LIVE!!! Now this goes in all different directions but this is one of the most important to me. I will not have anyone tell me what is the right way to live or the wrong way to live. Whether you think I am good "Christian" or a bad "Christian". If you are my friend you will allow me to make my own mistakes because I am going to allow you make your own. You will also not tell me who to VOTE FOR, Where to go, Who I am allowed to talk too, and What I am allowed to do (go to different establishments, shop at certain places, and so on). I am going to screw up in life I am not perfect NO ONE IS and whether you knew something all along it is still my choice to make and if I fall flat on my face that is on me! I will respect any opinions and thoughts you have but that same courtesy I give you I would hope you would do the same.

DRAMA FREE!!! This one is almost important to me. I know having friends from all walks of life has caused conflict sometimes. However, there is something I do not want to even hear and this is my name. This means I do not want to hear my name from another person mouth in a negative fashion. This means rumors, second hand, and/or gossip. You should not hear your name in a negative fashion and if you do I hope you would bring it to me so "You" and "I" can discuss whatever the issue could be. Are any of perfect at this? HELL NO  but we should all at least try. I know I am!!!

I think friendships are a great thing but with all things they are always changing and by no means am I perfect at understanding friendships and how they change my life. I do promise this to people who decide that I am "okay" to be friends with that we are friends for a reason that is a bond between you and I and no one else. This allows me to get to know the real you without any outside influences (good or bad) and allows me to make my own choices about our friendship. Now I cannot tell you how our friendship will end up, whether is was for a season, a life time, and so on. However, if you offer me respect I can tell you I will try my hardest to give it back to you no matter what even if that means ending our friendship. I know this bitter thing to talk about but these are the facts.

Now I ask you this once can you give me the respect I deserve? Is respect so hard to give people?

The choice is yours!

Monday, May 2, 2011

I Love Being Alone... it is okay to enjoy the silence and your surroundings

I have had a couple of people ask me...where have I gone. I text back...what are you talking about? I have not been on Facebook or really calling anyone. I am thinking to myself is that a crime? Do I need an explanation on why I do something? Well let me FIRST say there is nothing wrong with me.... I am not in a Bi-polar up or down ( some of you have assumed) it is just Courtney.... that is right Courtney and Courtney likes to be alone and enjoy other things. I do not need to be up someones butt and I pretty dang on sure that I do not want anyone up my butt. I have decided to take a break from it all... is that wrong?

I realized that there is so much wrapped up in technology... not that is a bad thing. I got my Bachelors through an online school, I stay in contact with loved ones, shop, and even write this blog. However, it has become all to much for me right now... I love having my phone on silence, listening to music, READING, spending time with my animals and reflection.

I have started a garden this year and it has been amazing. Well first that I have not managed to kill anything and somewhere and somehow I got a tiny green thumb. I am a scientist, always have been so I know the mechanics of plants down to the cell walls but it is still also amazing to see things grow, survive, and thrive. Science cannot explain the peace and calmness I feel when I work in my little garden. Love seeing knew life from a multi-view is an amazing gift to have. Spending time with my animals.... seeing if I can out stare Charlie, get the last word in with Chloe, watching Corona play with a ball of paper and when you look at her acts like she was doing nothing, or thinking about measuring Casper's tail to provide proof to my mom that Casper's tail is not short which I am still deciding on. Waiting for my husband to get we can play a game of cards, watch a movie, and just enjoy us. No Marine Stuff... No Outside Stuff... No Anything...... Just Christopher and I.

Then there is the amazing gift of reflection. I spent Easter Sunday alone because Christopher had duty (NO I WAS NOT UPSET ABOUT IT). I got to spend the entire day thinking of all the things I am grateful for and come up with a wonderful thought. There is nothing wrong with constant praise to God but there are sometimes things better than Hallelujah... I really will not go into to much detail about that because everyone has their own views on such subjects as these. I just know personally for me I cannot be that frikin happy all that time and he knows I will not be! That is what I have been reflecting on.

I guess the thing I have loved the most is the silence...... it is not total silence but a peaceful quite that allows my thoughts to run clear. I know this will show on Facebook but I am still not coming back for a while. There is to much sun to soak up, a book to read, and a garden to tend to.....

I Love Being Alone..... It Is Okay.....