Monday, March 28, 2011

Loving Me- Blessed with Challenges

I think one of the hardest things I have had to deal with in my life is "loving me". The concept of being your own worst enemy must have hit me twice because I am very critical of myself. One of the things that I have been dealing with for the past several months (couple of years) is my self-esteem, I am able to put on a front for the most part (that might be my only successful poker face because I think they cannot look in). However, over the years I lost who I was... like the smile was no longer real.... everyone goes through challenges and right now mine are mainly in the healthy department! Having PCOS has made me stronger and has encourage me to do great things to show support and let other people know I will not let PCOS beat me in any form. However, even with all the positive aspects I can share... there is still a toll on my body. The fact that I need "help" in the fertility department and with the symptoms of PCOS and medications out the whazoo I should be a professional yo-yo. I am not going to lie it hurts looking at my wedding pictures and seeing what I look like now... I know people people change through the years but I look at those pictures and often do not see that same woman looking back at me, which is scary because I believe all women should feel beautiful inside and out because we are! However, I feel like I a lot of us do not know this or know how to feel this to include myself. My biggest challenge is seeing the difference in pictures. In other words, I get dressed up and I feel really good because I have lost weight in a smaller sizes then I see pictures and I am like what the ?!?! Then I begin to compare myself to family and friends.... it is like I do not always match up with what I feel. However, I am not alone on this I am no different comparing myself to other women... my CHALLENGE is to get past that. I want to look at pictures,  the mirror, and so on and see the same face and body and recognize it as my own. I want women to embrace who they are not feel self critical about themselves, because we are all beautiful the key is finding that path ourselves. I figured out in small steps on how to love me and even though I have a long way to go... it helps to realize that I have faced these challenges head on!

1. I always try to look nice when I leave the house (I use to never do that... and then I would feel crappy).
2. When I think I have done really well on my Make-up and Hair do a quick self-shot (have not posted many)
3. Post a full body shot (not done it yet)
4. Write down what I see in a picture and then ask someone else what they see.... (have not gathered the nerves for that one yet).
5. Point out what I think is beautiful verses what I see as flawed.... (done a litte)
6. Embrace compliments

The list keeps growing... but hopefully it will all come together and will find that Loving Me really is not that hard.

I hope you all will find way to love yourself if you have not already found that key for yourself

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